Hayley's World

Dear All,

Even though it's after midnight, so it's strictly Tuesday, I thought I would write and tell you all about my Monday! Today is exactly one month until my birthday, and I'm quite excited! Even though the thought of being 27 is quite scary, it's a whole new year for me. Time to start all over again and put the past behind me.

I had my second interview today for the sales admin and marketing job just up the road, and I got it!!!! The money is pretty good too. I start next Monday, so keep your fingers crossed!

Not much exciting happened to speak of, HJL came round last night and we just layed on the bed talking and watching match of the day. It was nice to spend sometime with him sober actually..... I just wish that I could shake the feeling that he's going to end up going back to his ex. I know deep down that it's probably inevitable, and I'm going to end up nursing some hurt pride, maybe even a tiny little tear in my sddenly single heart, but I just can't pull myself away. How sad is that?

Anyway, we had some great sex (really, REALLY great sex!!)then he went. HE had to get up at 6am, and as I am unemployed until next Monday I got to lay in! After he went I just sat on the computer for a while.

Today mainly consisted of my interview, watching some tv, then me and Rosie popped to the pub for a while (FT was there - yum - I'll tell you about him another time!) and then I came home.

At this point I should probably tell you about the other guy on the scene at the moment..... yes, I know, whore bag..... Well he's actually another relation of a good friend of mine (can anyone see a pattern emerging??!!), and she introduced us. Now, it's not that simple - because he's actually in prison! It's a long story and one I won't go into now. But we met at a hotel a few weeks ago (it's open prison) and we did get on quite well. So at the moment I kind of have two men on the go, which makes me sound quite bad, doesn't it?!?! We spent a few weeks on the phone talking before we met, and I have to admit that I was quite taken with him. (This was all before HJL came on the scene you understand). He made me laugh, seemed down to earth and we had one common interest: Sex!!!! But now HJL is around and I just don't know what to do!!!! Any ideas anyone?!!! I could do with some advice!

So PB (prison boy) called this afternoon, and expressed his concern that we hadn't spoken much lately - this is because I've been spending a lot of time with HJL. I do still like PB, but the situation doesn't make it easy, and I'm quite confused. Answers on a postcard please!

Then HJL popped in, in his shorts (yum yum YUM!) just to say hello, and me and Mum hit the vodka in celebration of my new job. We watched some CSI and then she went to bed, leaving me to write this!

Now, I know that right now this probably all seems quite dull, but I promise you things will get better as I get better at doing this! I kept a handwritten diary for years and have only recently decided to have a blog, and I'm still trying to decide the direction it should go in. The added pressure of knowing people can read it doesn't help!

Anyway, I shall be back tomorrow for the next installment, if you can bear to be bored to tears!
Night all

H xxx

Dear Readers,

After giving it a lot of thought, I have decided to create my own blog!! I'm not sure if anyone will read it, but it might just help me to keep sane in a world in which everyone seems to be going mad!! I hope that if anyone I know reads it, they won't take offence to anything I might say, it is purely my own thoughts and feelings, and my own life goings on!!

I should probably introduce you to my 'world' first. My name is Hayley, I'm 26 years old, and I live in a little suburban town just outside of London. I have recently split up with my long term partner, left my long term job, and embarked on a journey of discovery about who I really am and what I really want.

I'll try not to give to much away, as you never know who might read these things, so I'll adopt a method used by one of my heroes and refer to everyone by a nickname. Hopefully a not too obvious nickname!!!! I'd hate for anyone to discover my online secrets!

I currently don't have a job, I'm looking and have a 2nd interview tomorow, which I hope to get as it would be really handy! So I'll keep you posted about that......

So..... my life mainly consists of job hunting, going to the pub, and a recent pastime of mine seems to be embarking on ilicit affairs with unsuitable men! Not married.... well, not in the legal form anyway.... just men with baggage and pasts and stuff..... But I'll go into that more later!

The mportant people in my life are my wonderful mum, who I'm living with at the moment (after leaving my love nest bought with my ex). My Dad and his wife, who have helped me in ways I can't begin to describe over the last few months. My brother and sister (step), who are great to me in their own ways, and my best friend. I can't think of a nickname to give her that will sum her up properly..... So I'll stick with Rosie, which is my pet name for her that no-one else knows about!!

Me and Rosie frequent the local pub quite a lot through the week... we spend most of our time and money in there. It's a cool place, even if it could be mistaken for a mental health unit! There's a lot of gossip, a lot of backstabbing and a lot of trouble. But there's also a lot of laughter and solidarity. Although you will see that my opinion of it changes from time to time!

We've just spent most of our weekend in there, and I have to say that you will see I am quite fond of the odd alcoholic beverage. It's probably something I should address and get help for (I tend do drink most nights of the week, and usually until I'm drunk), but hey.... we all have our faults don't we?! I'm not exactly Amy Winehouse just yet!

They had a disco in there on Friday night which was quite funny, and then yesterday it was the grand national. I didn't win, but my Mum did, bless her, about time she had some luck in her life really. So me and Rosie spent all day in there... well, it'd be rude not to! I should probably tell you at this time that I'm currently seeing a bloke from the pub. He has a familial link to Rosie, and he has also only just split up from his long term partner who he has a baby with. I know, I know, it's probably not a good idea, I'll probably get my head kicked in by his ex, I'm a home wrecker and I should know better. But you can't control who you get feelings for. I actually hated him at first.... I really hated him. I thought he was arrogant and rude and a bit of a 'lad'. But he persued me with such dogged determination that I fell for his charm. Plus the fact that he's fiery, and a little bit naughty makes me so attracted to him it's untrue. We have quite a tempestous relationship. In the first two weeks we were seeing each other we had two huge rows ended it. But then when we see each other it's like something clicks and neither one of us can keep away from the other. I have become almost consumed by him and it's quite scary. He says I'm unique, and even though I'm not the most beautiful girl in the pub (I chose not to hit him for that) there is something about me that he loves..... I put that down to my inner charm, and ability to see the good side to everything. Anyway, enough about the man I shall call HJL......

So we spent Friday night and all day yesterday in there, and I am most certainly feeling it today! I've eaten eveything in sight and am just sitting here watching I'd Do Anything, having a hair of the dog and waiting for HJL to come round.

I've decided to write this blog because a lot of stuff happens in my life, and sometimes it's useful to write about it. And sometimes, you might just reach out to someone out there who is going through the same thing and just needs a different perspective to get through it. But also, beacuse I find writing about my life therapeutic, and maybe through doing this I can find a coping mechanism that doesn't involve me drinking myself to death.......

So after a brief introduction I'll leave it there for now. I'm off to wait for HJL and see what this evening brings.

Be Lucky, H xxx